Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Though I walk through the valley...

I complain that the summer heat is coming, weather that is probably not so different from that which Jesus saw in Jerusalem.

I whine that I have to turn on my air conditioning in April. He had to silently carry a cross out in the blinding sun.

I wonder how long I have to wait until an opportunity opens up back in GA...three years? Probably not as hard as descending to hell and battling Satan for three days.

I think I have a hard time breathing when I am alone and being screamed at by two babies in the evenings. It was all Christ could do to painfully struggle to catch his breath as he hung, bleeding from the cross as he was laughed at.

I think it's time I see that I am not alone in this and whatever challenge is laid before me and my family, as long as we use it to see our blessings, God will be glorified in our decisions and we will be more than Okay.

We are in limbo about what job Mark will have one month from now. Maybe a training job here in Arizona, maybe a sales job in Georgia...maybe the same darn evening call center job he's been so bored with for the last 3 years here. But our God is faithful, and that means we will all be in good health, with a roof over our heads and food on the table.

I don't want to be spiteful anymore. Spite is what makes us miserable. If we are going to stay here, I will allow myself no excuses...We will start anew. Maybe we won't have any more money than we do now, but I have to stop waiting for change. Waiting has been the name of the game for threeand a half years now. Waiting to get our own place, to not be pregnant anymore, for summer to be over, to not be nursing anymore, to not be pregnant anymore, to move to Georgia...and the list could go on the rest of my life. Truth is I am starting to see that my soul has a real sense of unrest. I have a longing spirit, and I'm catching on to the fact that it doesn't go away when good things happen. My longing is because this whole life is temporary. Not just my stay here in Arizona, although I still hope it is...But there's a whole other life we are waiting to begin and that is the cause for the restlessness in our souls.

So we aren't doing this alone. This Holy Week is teaching me that. As I reflect on the passion, death and resurrection of our Lord, I see not only that Christ walked the steepest steps of human suffering first and my own are a walk in the park in comparison. His life culmination as he defeated hell is the reason I don't need to focus on which job Mark gets. I need to be the best wife and mother I can right now because my real destination, my real reason for my soul's unrest is my ultimate destination in the arms Christ, and the promise that I am safe forever with him who won that Easter battle for me.

I don't want my girls to see that I live life this way. I want them to learn to be women who are strong in Christ and confident in his promises. I want to teach them to make life decisions based on trust in HIM and based on love for themselves and for those God has placed in their lives. I want them to look at every situation with gratitude first and discernment second.

My beautiful girls are already helping me find my way home. Happy Easter!

And of course some pictures to help lighten the mood =-)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

40 days in the desert

It's lent now, the 40 day long Catholic season in which we prepare ourselves for Easter. We make sacrifices, repent for our sins, and reflect on Christ's 40 days of fasting and temptation in the desert.

I can honestly say that our family is very involved in this Lenten season. Not only are we in an actual desert, we are stuck in a very challenging time, waiting for change and testing our strength. Mark is working hard on applying for jobs all over to move on with his career, and I am stuck here in my house with the girls and most of the time no car. We are both so tired and impatient, wondering what may be the next step for our little family of four. Will it be in GA? Will it be here in Phoenix? Will we be able to feed our whole family? The future is scary, but it is even scarier to think of being stuck in this unsettled period of question. We simply have to move on soon. We just have to.

The kids are definitely keeping us distracted a good deal. We decided that if there were a video of our life with the girls, it would, without question, be a comedy. You would be laughing the whole time. Nora is a barrel of laughs. On our way to take Mark to work one day we were stopped at a red light. It was quiet, a sleepy morning (uhh or well 12:30pm), when she snapped us out of it, yelling, "GOOOO!!!" We cracked up, so now every time we sit at a red light, she does that. She also tortures our cats. She giggles and squeals as she chases them around the house. That's pretty funny to watch too. Every time we go to Costco, which is like twice a week or something ridiculous like that, she yells "CA-CO!" as we pull into the parking lot. She calls stop signs "Stopssss.....Ign", and the list goes on.

Nora had a tooth extracted a few weeks ago, full anesthesia and all, the same weekend Mark finished his degree. Crazy times for us. Poor Nora was traumatized. Now her separation anxiety has reached an all time high. She has nightmares frequently now, usually during her naps. May be the trauma, may just be her age. Audrey is sleeping great though. She just went two nights in a row without waking or feeding. She turned 4 months today! To celebrate, we are taking her to get 2 shots tomorrow...exciting.

I'm sorry, I just ran out of energy and this happens to be the most boring post ever. I'll try to come back with something really good in the next week. Let me leave you with a parting shot...
have a nice day...